The Zero Dog War is out!

Whew. I’m not very good at waiting. I mean, if a page takes longer than 6.5 seconds to load I click on something else (okay, I’m not actually that bad. Having small children has taught me a great deal of patience). The good news is that my book The Zero Dog War has finally released at Samhain. Hold on while I spam you with the blurb.

The first bullet is always free. After that, you gotta pay.

After accidentally blowing up both a client facility and a cushy city contract in the same day, pyromancer and mercenary captain Andrea Walker is scrambling to save her Zero Dogs. A team including (but not limited to) a sexually repressed succubus, a werewolf with a thing for health food, a sarcastic tank driver/aspiring romance novelist, a three-hundred-pound calico cat, and a massive demon who really loves to blow stuff up.

With the bankruptcy vultures circling, Homeland Security throws her a high-paying, short-term contract even the Zero Dogs can’t screw up: destroy a capitalist necromancer bent on dominating the gelatin industry with an all-zombie workforce. The catch? She has to take on Special Forces Captain Jake Sanders, a man who threatens both the existence of the team and Andrea’s deliberate avoidance of romantic entanglements.As Andrea strains to hold her dysfunctional team together long enough to derail the corporate zombie apocalypse, the prospect of getting her heart run over by a tank tread is the least of her worries. The government never does anything without an ulterior motive. Jake could be the key to success…or just another bad day at the office for the Zeroes.

Product Warnings

Contains explicit language, intense action and violence, rampaging zombie hordes, a heroine with an attitude and flamethrower, Special Forces commandos, ninjas, apocalyptic necromancer capitalist machinations, absurd parody and mayhem, self-deluded humor, irreverence, geek humor, mutant cats, low-brow comedy, and banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin.

***

Yes, folks. This one is a comedy. I should probably put comedy in quotes, now that I think of it, because one person’s “comedy” is another person’s “WTF? That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever read!” Hopefully, even if this falls in the latter category it still scores some laughs.

Here are a couple of early reviews:

http://paranormalbookreviews-kelly.blogspot.com/2011/02/review-zero-dog-war-zero-dog-missions-1.html

http://www.smexybooks.com/2011/02/review-zero-dog-war-by-keith-melton.html

Tantalizing, Yet Not High-Pressure GET-IT-HERE LINK: http://store.samhainpublishing.com/the-zero-dog-war-p-6261.html

The Zero Dog War Releases Feb. 15th 2011

So… want something a little zany? A bit off beat? Looking for an Urban Fantasy parody with pyromancers and zombies and a misfit cast?

Well, look no further my friends. The Zero Dog War contains all of this and more! (Though it doesn’t come with a free ShamWow! and won’t hold 12 times its own weight in liquid).

Here’s the blurb:

The first bullet is always free. After that, you gotta pay.

Zero Dog Missions, Book 1

After accidentally blowing up both a client facility and a cushy city contract in the same day, pyromancer and mercenary captain Andrea Walker is scrambling to save her Zero Dogs. A team including (but not limited to) a sexually repressed succubus, a werewolf with a thing for health food, a sarcastic tank driver/aspiring romance novelist, a three-hundred-pound calico cat, and a massive demon who really loves to blow stuff up.

With the bankruptcy vultures circling, Homeland Security throws her a high-paying, short-term contract even the Zero Dogs can’t screw up: destroy a capitalist necromancer bent on dominating the gelatin industry with an all-zombie workforce. The catch? She has to take on Special Forces Captain Jake Sanders, a man who threatens both the existence of the team and Andrea’s deliberate avoidance of romantic entanglements.

As Andrea strains to hold her dysfunctional team together long enough to derail the corporate zombie apocalypse, the prospect of getting her heart run over by a tank tread is the least of her worries. The government never does anything without an ulterior motive. Jake could be the key to success…or just another bad day at the office for the Zeroes.

Warning: Contains explicit language, intense action and violence, rampaging zombie hordes, a heroine with an attitude and flamethrower, Special Forces commandos, ninjas, apocalyptic necromancer capitalist machinations, absurd parody and mayhem, self-deluded humor, irreverence, geek humor, mutant cats, low-brow comedy, and banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin.

AND you can go here to read an excerpt:

http://samhainpublishing.com/excerpt/the-zero-dog-war