Keith Melton Vs Moira Rogers ROUND ONE!

In all honesty, this is really just about me and the Bree half of Moira Rogers going toe to toe. The Donna half of Moira Rogers is really very nice except for that time she told me to die in a fire. She fights battles against evil corporate ISPs and feeds orphans. Bree, on the other hand…well, I’ll get to that.

If you’ve never read Moira Rogers, what’s wrong with you? Honestly. Her werewolves scorch the pages. Very cool stuff, both the Red Rock Pass series and her Southern Arcana series. I have a soft spot for her character Mackenzie. She also has about a billion other books out that I haven’t read, but if I list them all we’ll be here all night.

Anyway, if you haven’t figured it out yet, Moira Rogers consists of the incredible super dynamic writing duo of Bree and Donna. One of them hacks databases. The other launches wild pigs through the air with trebuchets. Or so I heard on the internet, I swear.

Regardless of their personal hobbies indulged while not writing, I’m here to detail a bit of the vaguely infamous throwdown that happened the other day on the magical social networking paradise of Twitter. For those of you who are dead, Twitter is a place known for brevity, wit, and a huge whale lifted by ropes by a bunch of annoying birds. But I digress, as usual.

The altercation started when I realized, much to my shock and awe, that Hamtaro might just be one of the most frighteningly disturbing things I’d ever seen. Watch this clip, but be warned. You cannot UNSEE it once you’ve subjected your eyes to its Hyper Evil Cuteness.

Alas, after suffering yet another unprovoked @moirarogersbree insult (this one about how my face would look better hidden by a mullet and then backed over by a tractor — I’d link to it directly but there are small children on the internet, God help them all) I felt it incumbent upon me to fire back with both metaphorical barrels. Thus, I drew the comparison (admittedly shaky) between Moira Roger’s shapeshifters and the fell creatures of Hamtaro the hamster anime.

I’m happy to say nine out of ten of my fellow internet monkeys agreed with me.

Not content to turn the other cheek, Bree of the Awesome Infamousity and Ryan Reynolds Propaganda countered by suggesting my vampire hit man, Karl Vance, would find employment in the following capacity after the completion of my urban fantasy series:

Ah, Sesame Street. You bring back such joyous memories. Memories of obsessively counting vampires, trench coats, and…lightning in elevators. Now, notice how the Count actually bounces Kermit out of the elevator as if he were an obnoxious drunk slurring his profanity at some posh club. I find this line of work entirely plausible for my vampire.

Hey, times are tough all over.

Unfortunately, since I’m male and need to keep score, I’m going to have to arbitrarily award this round to me on points. So, Keith wins round one. You may proceed to launch fireworks and kiss babies in joyous celebration.

One can buy the Moira Rogers books I mentioned here:

You can also find them all over the place on Amazon and Fictionwise, but you’ll have to do the legwork.

Oh yeah, here’s a poll so we can make my victory all statistically valid.


18 thoughts on “Keith Melton Vs Moira Rogers ROUND ONE!

      1. Oh, didn’t I tell you? I’ve hired Wolverine as my internet lawyer. What he lacks in suits he makes up for in being the best there is at what he does. (And do you think what he does is nice? HA!)

        1. Dearest Bree,

          Clearly, threats have been made here today, threats agains my person. It saddens me, but in the tradition of threatened, unstable Amazon authors everywhere I have no choice but to contact the FBI and file a complaint.

          Oh, that things should have come to this.


          1. I’m sorry you feel that way, Mr. Melton. I’m afraid that means it will be necessary to accelerate my plans. Please expect pirates AND ninjas at your earliest convenience. This will all go so much more smoothly if you don’t put up a fight.


  1. Dear Bree,
    RE: Ninja pirate attack

    I have installed a moat filled with strawberry pineapple flavored gelatin around my house and electrified it with a car battery. This defeats all ninjas and pirates.

    I will stand on my lawn and chortle as they tremble before such a formidible obstacle.

    +1 Me

  2. Pingback: Round Two: Moira Rogers vs Keith Melton

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