Chance to win books!

I’m over at Wicked Lil Pixie’s site as part of the 31 Wicked Days of Christmas, giving away loot while answering questions about the holidays. There is also some original artwork which may or may not be amusing.

As for the loot, I’m giving away a signed print copy of Blood Vice, Zero Dog War, and Ghost Soldiers AND a $25 gift card for Amazon.

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment. Here’s the link:
Wicked Lil Pixie Giveaway

I believe the contest is open for the rest of December, so there’s plenty of time.

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Talking about “The Monkey’s Paw”

I’m over at Julia Kavan’s blog talking a little about the classic story “The Monkey’s Paw.” A short story which is both excellent and involves cursed objects that happen to be dismembered limbs.

http://www.juliakavan.com/2/post/2012/09/short-and-sweet-part-5.html

Win an autographed copy of The Zero Dog War!

Ever wish some random author would mail you an autographed copy of a book? Yes? Perfect! Because that’s what I’ll do if you trek on over to Wicked Little Pixie’s site and leave a comment. You don’t even have to read me rambling on in the post–just head straight to the comment section and, if you win, I’ll send you an autographed copy of The Zero Dog War. Also, the contest is international.

http://wickedlilpixie.com/2012/03/01/keith-melton/

Zombies. Comedy. Gelatin. Machine guns. Large cats.

Here’s the randomly indented blurb:

The first bullet is always free. After that, you gotta pay.

Zero Dog Missions, Book 1

After accidentally blowing up both a client facility and a cushy city contract in the same day, pyromancer and mercenary captain Andrea Walker is scrambling to save her Zero Dogs. A team including (but not limited to) a sexually repressed succubus, a werewolf with a thing for health food, a sarcastic tank driver/aspiring romance novelist, a three-hundred-pound calico cat, and a massive demon who really loves to blow stuff up.

With the bankruptcy vultures circling, Homeland Security throws her a high-paying, short-term contract even the Zero Dogs can’t screw up: destroy a capitalist necromancer bent on dominating the gelatin industry with an all-zombie workforce. The catch? She has to take on Special Forces Captain Jake Sanders, a man who threatens both the existence of the team and Andrea’s deliberate avoidance of romantic entanglements.

As Andrea strains to hold her dysfunctional team together long enough to derail the corporate zombie apocalypse, the prospect of getting her heart run over by a tank tread is the least of her worries. The government never does anything without an ulterior motive. Jake could be the key to success…or just another bad day at the office for the Zeroes.

Product Warnings

Contains explicit language, intense action and violence, rampaging zombie hordes, a heroine with an attitude and flamethrower, Special Forces commandos, ninjas, apocalyptic necromancer capitalist machinations, absurd parody and mayhem, self-deluded humor, irreverence, geek humor, mutant cats, low-brow comedy, and banana-kiwi-flavored gelatin.

 

 

Happy New Year, Resolutions, Assorted blather…

I resolved to behave like less of an ass on the Internet in 2012.

This resolution lasted until 10:32 a.m. when I logged on to Twitter.

In real life I don’t act like the movie Airplane on crack. I am contemplative and somber.

Yeah, stop laughing. It’s true. I swear. 

Alas for the need for writers to run amok online and say things, a bad habit mercilessly encouraged by Web 2.0. I conveniently blame my asshat-wearing-ways upon the Internet. I’m not an expert on anything interesting, there are plenty of better and far more experienced writers out there handing out writing advice, and ranting about budget deficits and infrastructure decay is depressing, boring, and gets old after roughly 32.5 words.

So I keep the important things I wish to explore and examine for the characters and the stories. (Never mind that some of those stories read like the Airplane movies on crack.) And then I run amok on the Internet sounding deranged, stupid, overly excited by giant robots, swords, the Red Sox, fire, the Oregon Ducks, gelatin, ferrets, zombies (and not in that order) while sporting all the sophistication of a 13-year-old male.

Evil has never looked so adorable.

I’m considering posting some new writing from my 37,000 ongoing series on the blog, but the thought of posting unedited material makes me twitchy.

Anyway, I’d give a general status update on writing progress, but I’m still working on the third Nightfall Syndicate book, and after that I plan to write the sequel to The Zero Dog War. There may or may not be a Zero Dog novella in the meantime (I have one at about 30,000 words, with another 20,000 needed to finish the story). We’ll see. 2011 was not my favorite year. Not by a long shot. Too fast and chaotic. I’m hoping 2012 is far better. Unless the world ends, which will suck.

Happy New Year to everyone. I wish you the best for the coming year.

As for me, I’ll be back to writing…

…and acting like an idiot on the Internet.

My Book Giveaway Over At Book Lovers Inc Open Until Oct. 22nd

I have a guest post and giveaway going on at Book Lovers Inc. The guest post is about my not-so-secret love of libraries (subtly titled: Bermuda Triangle Love and Libraries). The giveaway is an ebook copy of any of my backlist titles (The Zero Dog War, Blood Vice, Ghost Soldiers, Run, Wolf) or the forthcoming 9mm Blues (when I get my author copies).

http://www.bookloversinc.com/2011/10/bermuda-triangle-love-and-libraries-by.html

The giveaway is open until October 22nd. All you have to do is leave a comment. So very easy. ^_^

…where I sacrifice the grim dignity of an author in favor of drawing bad cartoons on the Internet

I’m sure someday these diversions will come back to bite me in the ass. I’ll be applying for a job (in this economy, I’ll likely be applying at the local convenience store to boldly embark on a career of overcharging for burned coffee and cheese puffs, while wondering when I’ll be robbed), or perhaps an editor will be looking for new writers to include in an anthology and someone will stumble upon these silly drawings and quietly add me to the Completely Unprofessional Blacklist no one ever talks about (because to mention the list would be unprofessional…).

However, since no one is looking and I’m screwing around instead of writing, I thought I’d post a few of the silliest and/or most absurd and/or stupidest drawings I’ve created using nothing more than MS Paint and my own personal delusions.

Samurai Spider

This spider was simply an excuse to draw a katana and a samurai helm. In real life, spiders are not samurai, but more like ninjas, creeping around, crawling on you in the dark. Moving on…

Giant Squid Rocking Out

This picture had nothing to do with my fear of giant squids and more to do with challenging myself to draw a violin in MS Paint using the touchpad on my laptop. True musicians will note that the squid is holding the violin incorrectly. Best not to mention it to a giant squid, however. Continue reading “…where I sacrifice the grim dignity of an author in favor of drawing bad cartoons on the Internet”